Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
