i was born a porn star she said
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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