He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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