i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
