I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
