hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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