i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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