you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
