the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I stole a fireplace last night.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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