yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
