your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just had sex bonerless
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
