I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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