Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
there was a trapeze. enough said
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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