Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
