I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
