And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
