How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
