I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
