my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
