You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
