Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
