dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
foreskin is a definite game changer
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
