I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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