great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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