someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
