I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
