We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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