honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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