I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So many bounce houses so little time
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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