everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
