You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
