His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
