I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
