I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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