So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
