what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
love makes seman taste better
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
