He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
