There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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