In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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