Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
