all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
