I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
