I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
