Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
