Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
