So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
