I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
