There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
