What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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