Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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