The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
