Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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