I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
