so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
